Likes what I hears
You have it, I enjoyed your little start up, I imagine it could have surged out a bit more with different pianos, a harp and probably an organ into a "stormy" sort of feel, but considering your rhythm and aim at the song, it probably would not have fit. The background is too hollow, a simple background string would have been good to cover that up, a slow song playing in the background, and if you focused the melody to revolve around that, you would have came up with a song that bounces heads. All and all it's not bad, your breaks in pace sort of gotten repetitive, after twice it should have picked up again in my opinion, and to better capitalize on it, you could have sort of composed a new rhythm from that and returned to your original.
Instrument-wise, I don't see any real issues other than the lack thereof. Very nice work.